11.28.05
Oy. I can't bring myself to write this paper about President Lula and agrarian reform in Brazil. I have the attention span of....wait, what was I talking about?

I packed some today for my ongoing move. At this point I have packed my clothes and my books, and that's about it. And I'm realizing that I have way too much stuff. I filled up an entire trash bag with clothes I'd like to discard, and I'm wondering how much stuff I can just get rid of. I would love to move with a clean slate, with less material and more quality.
Like, spring cleaning, only different. And with a lot more car trips.

So. I don't really like to hear myself complain, and I know for damn sure that no one else likes to hear me complain. So I've decided to find the bright side of this particular cloud. Here's what I've come up with, so far.

• I have learned that Margaritas hurt less the next day than whiskey. Oy.
• I have learned that sometimes procrastination really is the best way to get something done.
• I have discovered that I am not, in fact, too old for ____. I thought I was, but I was wrong!
• I have re-discovered a love for music that makes me feel like I'm 15 again, where every song has more meaning and more ressonance than any song I've ever heard before. And also? I am SO sure the band totally knows exactly what I am going through right.this.minute.
• I have so many comics in my head and the only thing that is keeping them from being out of my head is my complete and thorough lack of time. Eventually, I will have some, and then! Then you will be astounded!
• When this is all over, I will feel really good. Like the time I cried because I finally could afford to buy food, I imagine that once I am all moved, and can sleep in a bed again, I will feel like I'm on a fucking resort vacation.
• I will finally have a bathtub again, and I intend to takes baths as often as possible. When I was a little kid, I thought taking showers meant you were grown up, and now that I've lived with only a shower for over two years, I am beginning to feel that bathtubs are the very lap of luxury.
• I really have tried very hard to lighten up, and I think I've actually shown a lot of progress. Instead of acting like I'm 65 with a mortgage and 3 children, I feel like I've moved down to a more reasonable 45, with a car payment and an overdue midlife crisis.

11.09.05
It's 4 in the morning and I just finished another paper. Actually, this one is late, which is the first time I've turned in something late in years. I go back and forth on whether to explain myself to my teachers, because I don't want special accomodation, I just want them to know. Know I care, know I am not usually the kind of person who skips classes and comes to class at 8 am with a hangover. It's not how I got in Berkeley, it's not how I earned a 4.0, but it is a reality of where I am right now.

I've neglected a lot in the past 3 months. I've neglected some of my friends. I've neglected my art. I've neglected my partner. I've neglected my home. And now it all kind of comes back, and you have to figure out how to get through that, too. Because, it isn't just everyone else. I've neglected myself, too, shoving all my concerns into a little cubbyhole for later. But it's all filled up now, and spilling over onto the floor, and I can't just shut the door on it and pretend I don't see it anymore.

I know that, when this is all over, I will be inspired, and I will have material for my comics and my art and hell! Who knows, maybe I'll break new ground for myself and start churning out emo-folk tunes or something. Right now, however, I am hardly inspired to get out of bed, much less to write an 8 page paper on the semiotics of the aesthetics of toy packaging, or the structuralist perspective of President Lula of Brazil. I mean, really...would you?

11.02.05
I deleted all the journal entries that were here prior to 2005. That still leaves you with a whole year to read here, although I haven't had a whole lot to say during this past year, have I? I also deleted the index to the archives of all my old journals. I have not, however, actively deleted any of this stuff. I mean, hell, I still have the diaries I wrote when I was 15, so unless my computer is detroyed in the inevitable earthquake that will probably destroy everything I own except for a can of refried beans I've been moving with since 2001, I will keep these journals around for awhile, too. It's just that, really, no one needs to see what I've been thinking for the past 5 years.

I'm pretty tired, but I'll leave you with this picture.

Yes, that's my foot. Yes that's a tattoo of a compass. Yes it hurt. But not as much as the rest of me hurts right now.

10.28.05
I've decided that, though the site is back up, I'm going to make a bunch of changes to it. I'll probably remove all the journal archives, because, really, I can't imagine anyone has the need to go back and read 5 years worth of my banter. However, if for some reason that is something you want to do, then you should probably do it now, while it lasts.

I'm also probably going to take down all the writing, at the very least the stuff that was done by anyone not me, the DIY section, the mailto: form, the mission statement, and the art galleries of stuff that isn't by me. I want to eradicate the chronological archiving galleries, and instead have all relevent media available on one page. Basically, what should be left will be my comics, maybe 3 months worth of journals, any relevent art and writing, and, if I feel like it, a photo gallery.

I'm trying to simplify my life, and it seems like my webpage could use some love, too. I know that really, nobody ever comes here, and at this point it is like having a banquet for 200 when you're only expecting 6 dinner guests. I'm hoping to have all the major changes made by the new year. There's a lot more on the horizon, too, but I'm not really ready to talk about that.

10.26.05
You might have noticed that I took my website down for a little while.

If you didn't, I guess it means that you don't check my site compuslively, or else you have bookmarked something other than the main page.

If you did, then I may owe you an explanation. Unfortunately, you won't get one right now.

Suffice it to say, I took it down for a reason, and then I realized that my reasoning might not have been sound, and that lying to myself was a terrible thing to do, and I really needed to rethink my position about why I would take down a site that had been part of my life for over 5 years.

I saw Bauhaus last night, and I've been drinking a lot of margaritas, and I saw DropKick Murphy's and life is hectic and that's all you'll probably hear from me until next year. I know. I've never been good at this.

08.26.05
One would have thought that I would have actually updated this page more over the summer, since I wasn't going to school and working. Shows what you all know.

On July 4th I officially began my new position as Store Manager at a new location. It's been incredibly busy since then, getting things all set, and ready for the hectic back to school season. I start school again on Tuesday, so that's the end of having days off until December. Exciting, huh?

I have done some fun things this summer, though. I went to Alameda County Fair 3 times, and I saw Sleater Kinney in concert, and I went to the huge display of bad fashion and testosterone that is Ozzfest. I made a lot of non-comics art, got back into my childhoos hobby of bead-making and saw a couple new movies and even got to takea mini-vacation to San Diego to spend a day at the International Comics Convention. None of that is too exciting, but it's more than I'm able to do the rest of the year. I haven't been taking my good camera with me anyplace, because it's large and heavy, but here are some phone pics of the past couple of months, to make up for the radio silence.

06.06.05
I actually had an honest to goodness no holds barred weekend. What this means to me is that I left work on Friday evening at about 4 PM and I don't actually have to be back at work until 3:30 PM on Monday. A lot of people take for granted things like weekends, or even things like having two days off in a row. However, in the world of retail, they are far and few between, so they are precious and not to be wasted.

So, this weekend, it was my honey's birthday, and so on Friday...actually, I can't remember Friday. I think I took a nap on the sofa and then we went to the Bowling alley diner and ate Pad Thai that quite literally smelled like unwashed crotch. It tasted good, but man was it stinky! So then, Saturday was really his birthday, so we hung out until about noon, went to a diner and then drove around the city looking for a parking spot for 3 hours. Eventually we gave up and went to get dinner with our friends. Note to self:

Do not ever order grated mountain yam on anything ever again. You think it sounds really good, and then it comes looking, tasting and feeling like semen and then you kind of cry because you were so excited about it, and then your boyfriend eats it and makes fun of you for being a silly white girl. You can avoid all of this if you never order it again. This has happened twice now, so there's really no excuse for it.

Dinner was great, except for the above mentioned food fiasco, and then we went to see Sleater Kinney at the Warfield. I loved the show, but I couldn't help but notice that riot grrls )and the boys who love them) really are some of the most fashion impaired people on the planet. And I don't mean in a I don't get that look kind of way, I mean in a Did you get dressed using only the sense of touch? kind of way.

We also purchased new fish for our aquarium and watched The Incredibles, finally. I loved Sarah Vowell from listening to her on NPR, but after watching her video essay on the DVD special features I think she's just about the most adorable person in the world. So, Drew has a crush on Corin, the hot femmy riot grrl singer from Sleater Kinney, and I have a crush on super-nerd history-lover Sarah Vowell, who self-proclaims that she is allergic to spring. I'm not sure if you can learn anything from that statement, but I think it's fun.
Oh, also? This whole weekend thing? I finished a new comic. Well, it's like a zygote of a comic. It's 3 pages of something that will most likely become something more, should I decide to let it develop to full term, but I'm not promising anything, so you get these 3 pages. Enjoy!

P.S. Thanks everyone, for not pointing out that I had the entire YEAR wrong on my journal for the past 6 months. Good looking out!

05.27.05
Soooo. Today I got my tattoo colored in. Then I realized that for the past 4 months I've paid very very little attention to myself, and so I dyed my hair. None of this is important, but right now I'm in down time while I figure out what to do with my summer. While I'm not working, I mean. Which is still only 2 days a week, but it feels like a vacation to me.

In other news, I now have all my grades officially in, and I did pretty damn good if I say so myself. Next stop, world domination!! I'm working on a new comic, and this one has robots in it! Or, at least one robot in it. Robots are expensive, I tell you! I'm also trying to figure out grad school options, so if you have any suggestion, I'm all ears.

Actually, I'm all pain right now. My chest hurts from tattoo pain, and my head hurts from...I dunno, stress or something. Probably from Drew whistling all day. Yeah, that must be it. Damn whistling.

So, lately I've been lonely out here in the East Bay. You should come visit me. Seriously. Wherever you are, if you want to come visit, you have a place to stay.
Unless I don't know you. If that's the case, I'm sorry, but you'll have to stay home.

05.23.05
There has been more excitement in my life, kind of. I mean, exciting for me, at least.

For one thing, I got a giant tattoo last Friday. You can see pictures of it down below. The text on it says "Please forgive me, I forgive you." It's the first tattoo I've gotten in something like 4 years, so I'm pretty happy about. It went a lot better than I expected, and I didn't bleed or get all crinkly and scabby. Also, I'm celebrating 1 year of quitting smoking this week. I haven't had one single cigarette in a year, so, go me! Considering I smoked for 10 years, off and on, and then quit absolutely cold, that's a pretty big deal. At least, I think so.

Also, I'm completely done with my first semester at Berkeley. I had my last final last Tuesday, and I feel pretty good about the way that everything turned out. If things go as planned, I should be graduating in the winter of 2006. Thank heavens, it's about time. I haven't gotten all of my grades yet. They are posted on a website as they come available, but I got at least one A, so as of right now I have a 4.0 at Berkeley, rated by at least one source as the second best school in the world! The world mind you. And that's a pretty big place.

In other news, I had a contest at APE this year, and have yet to send out the e-mail congratulations, but Ms. Melissa, from Dissave Press, was the winner of a fabulous new IllegalPussycat.Com tank top. I'm thinking about having another contest, but I haven't yet figured out the terms. Give me a day or two.

Also, I can't remember exactly what it was that I had to say during my last post. Something of substance, I am led to believe. I think I'm going to try to be posting more, and maybe add some more to this website before the summer is over, and I go back to the hellish life of no free time. So, if anyone wants anything from me, now is most definately the time to ask.

05.12.05
I recently got a new cell phone, complete with picture taking/sending capabilities. So, since I never have anything of substance to say, I will regale you with pictures on a routine basis.

Oh, actually, I do have some substance to share, but right now I have to go to work, so I'll try and share it tomorrow.

04.25.05
Has it really been over two months since I posted last?

I guess that's the case. Lots has happened, though, including a successful (in that it happened) run at the Alternative Press Expo. I shared a table with my friend, Laurenn, who is an amazing and talented woman. I finished two new comics, and will put up some stuff about them, soon. Also, I need to send out an announcement about the winner of my tee-shirt raffle, which I will do soon. Also, I got new shirts, and have some exciting plans about my merch. I can't talk about it until later, though.

I also showed with a bunch of other fine artists and musicians at a show at Cafe du Nord, in San Francisco, which was organized by my brilliant friend Tristan. It would have been even more amazing if I wasn't furiously inking comic pages, trying to finish the last issue of The Girlfriend Experience. I've got big plans for that, too.

Other than that, I've just been insanely busy with school and work, which both seem to be going well. I've got some big plans for that, too. Seems like that's the order of things right now; big plans all around. The Fish and I were going to move, but it ended up that we decided we just like it a whole lot right here, and see no real reason to move anywhere. Hopefull, all this maintenace work our landlord has been doing is not in preparation to sell the place, and is actually in response to the flurry of activity I dispayed during my two days off during Spring Break. Yeah, I said two days off. In a row. Can you believe it?

So, I've been writing papers till my freaking fingers hurt. Which means I'm tired of writing here, and haven't anything interesting to say, anyway. Sorry. Keep checking back, though. The hellish reign that is my routine of 16 hour days is about to come to an end. Take that, ambition! I'm going to spend whole days doing nothing but eating icecream! And there's nothing you can do to stop me!

Yeah, right. That's gonna happen.

02.11.05
These are things I'm thinking about trying to research and about which I'd like to write:

• Napoleon Dynamite leads the way for the birth of a new-cool, or anti-cool. Or does he? Is this ironic geek-chic post-white-trash irony?
• The Cinderella Syndrome as it relates to society's perception of Step-families may be more harmful to family values than the actuality of divorce.
• Everybody wants a winner - It has long been assumed that power plays a role in the choice of mates, with conventional philosophy leading us to believe that, for biological reasons, women will choose the more physically superior or the more financially stable or the more generally dominant man to father and raise her children. How does this apply to queer relationships and the post-feminist age of independent women?
• Does the idea and definition of sexual transgression emerge from a societal framework, or more implicitly from a socio-economic standpoint? Furthermore, are adolescents, especially those in the middle class, using their ideas of transgression to help them frame a rebellious identity as a rite of passage?

As you can see, I lead a fun filled life.

I have a list of things to do that seems to be stretching a mile long. None of them, or atleast most of them, are not things I want to do, or enjoy doing, but none of it matters, because I'm taking my first, real, full on vacation in.....like, forever. Or at least in 3 or 4 years.

The last weekend of February my honey and I are going to Palm Springs to celebrate our 5 year anniversary. We've been through 2 states, 3 apartments, 8 jobs, 4 schools, several minor personal traumas and some pretty seriously devestating things together. And now, after 5 years of that, we're taking a vacation. Together. To Palm Springs. I'm hoping very, very much that I am able to finish all my homework before we go, because I have a 5 page paper due the Monday we get back.
Good times.

02.04.05
Actually, technically, it's the 5th. No. Actually, I lied. I still have 33 minutes, but it might be the 5th by the time I'm done with this entry. It doesn't really matter, except that in exactly 4 weeks from today I will turn 26. That's not the case if it becomes the 5th. I guess I better get on with this entry already.

Here's what's new with me:

I started school. It is very hard work. I am walking miles and miles every day, I rarely if ever have an entire day off, and I'm already behing on my reading. However, I am still the most active and engaged student in most of my classes, which is probably because I am 26, and all of them are 18. Some of them are 19. It makes a tremendous difference to me, but apparently none of them have any idea that I am so much older than them. It's kind of gratifying, I guess, that they don't notice my wrinkles.
I totally have a crush on a professor, but he's not my professor, so I don't think it's a problem. Oh, and also, by crush, I mean "Wow, that guy's brain is really sexy!" Some people like actors, I like activists. Give me cerebelum over a set of abs, any day. Of course, if the cerebelum has a hot set of abs, I wouldn't complain.

I've watched a ton of movies. La Femme Nikita, War of the Worlds, Shaun of the Dead, Collateral and a bunch of other stuff. I don't have the energy to do other exciting things, so I live vicariously through movies. I think that's why I take it really personally when they suck.

I sent my comics off to Fiend or Faux, which will now have the honor of being the first online retailer (who isn't me) to carry my stuff. They have been sold, before, at Isotope Comics in San Francisco, and by Jigsaw in New York. I feel like this is a good thing. I am hoping that I will gain at least one new reader through this venue. That would make me happy. Readership in 3 figures would make me feel like I had grown in the past 7 years of making comics. If you couldn't tell, there is a dose of irony and perhaps a splash of cynicism in all of this.
After all, it is difficult to feel socially relevent if, you know, no one cares.
Also, the deal with FoF was trade, and I got the sweetest button maker ever. Be ready for a veritable avalanche of buttons. Neener.

Sent off all my info to APE, so hopefully that will go through, and I will be showing again in April. I haven't heard back about my submission to True Porn, but I am working on the new cover of Illegal Pussycat #2, which means I should have at least 2 new things for the show this year. Yay! Maybe that will help me earn another new reader.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't complain about my readership. In all honesty, I am blessed by each and every person who reads what I write. I'm just so frustrated by so many events right now, and it only got worse when I went back to school. My comics are the best outlet I have, and when I create them, I feel like maybe it means something, like maybe what I say will have an affect on someone, and help make the world a little teeny bit better...So yeah, I like it that people read them.

Anyway, also, I'm tired.
So I'm going to go to bed. I still have 17 minutes until tomorrow, but I think I'll forego the up-to-the-minute reporting, and just go to sleep.

01.05.05
I have a metric ass-ton of pictures to share from the past couple of months, but I edited 20 last night, and I'll share those with you, in no particular order: